Just Plain Ugly
There are some things that I just cannot bring myself to wear in public because they have been deemed just plain ugly.
Glitter
Glitter on clothes, glitter on shoes, glitter on the body = tacky, tackier and tackiest. OK, there was that one time at a party where I may have tried some body glitter. But it was just that once and everyone was doing it! I swear I won't let it happen again!
Gaucho/stirrup pants
Do I really need to explain to you that the saggy crotch diaper look is just not attractive? And while I understand the practicality of wearing stirrup pants with boot so the legs don't ride up, there is just no excuse for the stirrups with heels look. The only pass on this one is if you are actually riding a horse.
Clogs
I just don't like open backed shoes. I don't know what it is about them, but you'll never catch me in a mule or a clog or a sling-back. I guess sandals are the exception to the rule, but even then only if they are flat and it's still a rarity. And don't even get me started on wearing Crocs in public!
Never Go Back
There are a few things that fall into this list not because I think they are unwearable, but because I’ve already worn them - in the 80’s, the first time around. I know fashion is cyclical and all things eventually come back into style but I also think one of the hard and fast rules of fashion is that you should not revisit styles you wore the first time around. I’ll leave the new 80’s inspired fashions to the youngsters.
Bubble Hems
Certainly not the worst offender on the list, bubble hems can be cute in moderation. However, I distinctly remember the bubble hem skirt I was sporting in the 7th grade while wearing my walkman and listening to my Madonna "True Blue" cassette.
Jelly Anything
Shoes, bracelets, whatever - they're just a big fat no for me. They can work on younger girls, certainly, but since I can still picture the arm full of jelly bracelets (they were black with neon splatter paint!) I proudly wore while listening to the aforementioned Madonna cassette they are automatically disqualified.
Acid Wash
Again, not the worst thing in the world. I've seen photos of Scandinavian hipsters pulling them off with aplomb. It just comes back to that "never go back" rule. Of course mine had a drop yoke waist with pleats in the front and I tight rolled the legs at the bottom. And no, there are no pictures!
Too Damn Hip
I think one of the best rules to looking effortlessly chic is never looking like you’re trying to hard. To me, these things scream "Hey look at me!Look at me!"
The Head Band
Nothing screams look at me like the hipster headband. It is a completely excessive display of hipness. Hip-overdrive if you will.
Lamé
I'm holding American Apparel solely responsible for this one. Sometimes I walk into that store and I'm practically blinded by the glow of greasy hipsters in shiny lamé. It doesn't matter in what form it comes. Skirt, dress, tights, jacket - it's all just too much!
Sequins
This is a tough one. I'm oddly attracted to both of the pieces pictured here and yet I know I would never actually walk out of the house wearing them. They're just too loud. I'm more of a subtle kind of girl.
So - what are your fashion no-no's? What would you never be caught dead in?